Ungodly Hour
by Electric Splatter
Summary: A common reaction to the death of someone close to you is guilt. We all choose to deal with it in our own way. Season 3b aftermath.


**AN:** This started out shorter as most of the things I write do. But who doesn't love long one shots, right? Takes place after the events of 3b. (Spoilers, duh) The title comes from The Fray song.

I was totally going to wait to post this and obsess over it being perfect but tonight was Friday the 13th AND the full moon. So I thought it had to be fate.

I do not own Teen Wolf or any of the characters.

**Ungodly Hour**

_And I am short on words, knowing what's occurred. She begins to leave because of me. Her bag is now much heavier; I wish that I could carry her. But this is our ungodly hour._

* * *

Lydia knows it's her fault.

If the Nogitsune hadn't captured her they never would have tried to rescue her. Her best friend would still be alive. Aiden might still be alive too.

She'd been tricked. She'd been so stupid, a truly rare thing for her. She saw the boy the looked like Stiles and had gone to him without question.

All of this had happened because Lydia Martin didn't _think._

She should have known it wasn't him. She'd like to think she knows him well enough now to be able to differentiate him from an evil spirit.

It only took her a moment to realize her mistake. She looked into the fake's eyes and saw the cold and emptiness that was the opposite of Stiles. He took her before she even had the chance to scream.

Then she was trapped and the things that _thing_ said to her still echo in the back of her mind. But she can tune it out most of the time. She's getting used to having voices in her head now.

Allison had always been better than her. She'd been compassionate while Lydia had been selfish. She'd been kind while Lydia was snarky. If either of them deserved to die it should have been her.

Being a banshee had never been worse when the death she felt was her best friend's. The scream practically tore her throat out regardless of any supernatural feeling. After was still blurry to her. The lies they tell have some to truth to them, it all did happen so fast.

She didn't have time to grieve while she was scrambling to save everyone who was left. She just tried to keep up as plans changed and words were used like weapons. The second the Nogitsune had fallen it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

It took about a second after that for all the weight she'd been ignoring until then to hit her. Stiles collapsing nearly made her shut down completely. But he was fine. They were all fine.

Except they weren't.

Except Aiden was slowly dying outside while his brother held him. The weight almost crushed her this time and she ran into Stiles' arms without a second thought. Now she had time to grieve.

Aiden's place in her life was fuzzy. She had feelings for him. She wasn't in love with him. She meant what she said when she told him that she wasn't interested in bad guys anymore. She couldn't love someone like that. She had been falling rather hard for the man he had the potential to be though.

It just wasn't fair. How was she supposed to get up in the morning when two of the closest people in her life were just gone? She was too young for this. She didn't ask for any of this. She didn't ask to be a banshee. And she certainly didn't ask for all this pain.

All she does is grieve now. She's a shell and everyone knows it. Her smile is fake and her outfits are gorgeous. Allison is gone and she doesn't have a best friend. Aiden is gone and she doesn't have a boy to distract her.

When she takes the time out of her own misery to glimpse her remaining friends she doesn't like what she sees. Scott practically ages five years overnight. Isaac doesn't even seem like he's there when he's with them. Kira distances herself from them all. Stiles…she can't even begin to describe how different he is.

She wonders if they see the changes in her too. If they're as disappointed as she is when she looks in the mirror.

* * *

Isaac knows it's his fault.

If he had been faster or stronger or better she never would have need to leap in to save him. She would still be alive. He was about to die. He should have died, but she sacrificed herself for him. For _him._

He should have known better because this _always_ happens. The people who he loves the most are always taken from him. His mom, his dad, and his brother. Erica and Boyd. And now Allison. He figures he should be used to it by now.

It's funny because a couple months ago he could have cared less if she died. He might have even been a little secretly glad and say she had it coming. She was an Argent, the enemy. She'd tried to stab him to death with Chinese ring daggers.

But then he got to know her and his cold hatred of her quickly changed. She was strong and beautiful and somehow she picked him. It was new and awkward and he shouldn't have wanted to because it was his Alpha's ex. But then she would smile or laugh or shoot their enemies without batting an eyelash. How could he not fall for her?

Now everywhere he goes he sees her ghost. He sees them walking down the hallway together. He sees where they sat at lunch. He sees her at their table in the library where they pretended to study because they were "just friends."

But most of all he sees her whenever he looks at everyone else. He sees her in the dark circles under Scott's eyes. He sees her when he looks at Lydia desperately searching for a partner in class. He sees her whenever he looks at Stiles sitting perfectly still and silent while everyone else talks around him. He see's her in all the people's eyes that look at him with pity every day.

He's seventeen years old for God's sake and he has more people he cares about in the cemetery than anywhere else. Everything just keeps piling up and he can't take it anymore.

So when Chris Argent shows up with a bag packed and an extra ticket he says yes without hesitation. He walks into the McCalls' house and grabs the small amount of stuff he owns. He pauses in his bedroom doorway before he goes because this is the closest he's had to a real home and family in years. But he can't stay here. Not when every single memory reeks of her and everything else he's lost.

He drops the bag on the kitchen floor and he can see from the look on Melissa's face that she already knows, maybe even has for a while. She just walks up to him and wraps him in a hug so tight he has a little trouble breathing.

"If you ever need _anything,_" Melissa says with a slight catch in her voice that she tries to cover up. "You call me. You'll always have a place here."

"Thank you," he says softly. He holds on a little longer then pulls away. She ruffles his hair affectionately.

"Don't be a stranger. It'd kill him if you dropped off the face of the planet," Melissa commands and the room finally loses the tension. He smirks in response and picks up his bag.

Scott is outside talking to Mr. Argent when he opens the door. Scott notices and walks over with the lost look he's been wearing for weeks. Isaac feels the guiltiest about leaving him. They're pack and he should be there for him. But this is just something he needs to do for himself.

"France, huh?" Scott asks trying to sound upbeat. He crosses his arms and keeps a neutral expression.

"I've been craving wine and cheese lately," says Isaac with a halfhearted shrug. Scott can't help but smile a little.

Scott almost asks him to stay. Isaac can see the question forming on his face but he never asks. Instead he just gives him a hug and sighs deeply.

"Take as long as you need," he says simply with a knowing smile. Because he does know. They'd both loved her.

A tiny, awful part of him is angry with Scott. He got to hold her while she died; the last words she said were to tell him she loved him. Scott had been her first love, but she had been Isaac's. It was all kinds of messed up, and he didn't like to think about it.

He sees Mr. Argent watching with his usual impatience and nods at Scott before walking past him. He's never been one for messy goodbyes. He doesn't look back. He just throws his stuff in the car and stares at the road ahead of him.

Beacon Hills looks deceptively calm and peaceful in the rearview mirror.

* * *

Scott knows it's his fault.

He's the Alpha. He's the leader. It's his job to protect everyone. Nobody was supposed to die. He was supposed to always find another way.

Now his pack is in shambles and he didn't even know how to fix himself, let alone everyone else. The girl who he'd loved before he even knew what love really was is dead. Aiden, who was part of the pack even if it hadn't all been worked out yet, was dead. A lot of other innocent people were dead.

He failed. There was no other way to look at it. He remembered how he used to blame Derek about all the bad things that happened when he was the Alpha. His failure was like a smack in the face for his arrogance.

He hadn't even been in love with Allison anymore. He still loved her; he would always love her. He's going to love her for the rest of his life. But right before she died there was finally another girl he just couldn't get out of his head. His mom was right; you fall in love more than once.

Her death brought it all back. He fell back in love with her the second she was dying in his arms. He couldn't remember why he had ever let this beautiful, amazing girl go without a fight. She took her last breath and his heart with her.

He knows he's supposed to be doing something. A little voice in the back of his head keeps nagging him to. He isn't supposed to let his grief stop him. He's got to help his friends.

He shouldn't have let Isaac go. He should have asked him to stay. He should have told him that they all wanted him to stay. He couldn't though. If here were Isaac, he'd want to leave too. He also felt sickeningly relieved at one less responsibility.

He should be checking up on Lydia and Ethan, who have lost just as much as he has. He should talk to Derek and make sure everything is under control. He should be training Malia how to be a werewolf and how to be a human.

He _really _should be with his best friend. He knows that if he lost Stiles, it all would have been over. He couldn't have gone on at all. The current situation is far from good, but he knows it could have been so much worse. His best friend needs him right now and he should be there for him.

He can't though. He just can't right now. He just needs a little time to himself and he doesn't think that's too much to ask.

He also knows there's another girl who he needs to be there for, but Allison is still drowning her out.

* * *

Kira knows it's her fault.

She's the one that opened up Stiles' mind with her thunder and allowed the Nogitsune to enter. She hadn't known what she was doing. That didn't mean it wasn't still her fault.

A small bitter part of her can't help but blame her mother a little too. If she had warned her about any of this she could have been prepared. Nobody would have had to die. So at home she is silent. She would give anything not to have to be there, but she has nowhere else to go.

She doesn't blame Scott for avoiding her either. She deserves it. She got his best friend possessed, his first love killed, and another member of his pack murdered. She'd avoid herself too.

It's like the last couple weeks never happened. She is alone again. It doesn't bother her that much. Solitude is like an old friend, her only friend right now.

She can't help but watch them though; the people who gave her a small look into what it's like to be part of their world. She watches as Isaac decides to leave before he even knows it. She watches Stiles as he tries to find himself again, if he's even the same person he was before. She watches Lydia pretend she's still the same beautiful, popular girl she used to be.

She watches Ethan as he walks everywhere alone. She thinks about talking to him. But what would she say? I'm sorry we both don't have anybody left?

But mostly she watches him, Scott McCall, the boy with the biggest heart in the world even though it's broken right now. She watched him grieve and struggle every day. Her heart is screaming at her to comfort him, be there for him. Her head knows that he doesn't want her to.

Scott lost his first love. But he was starting to be hers until everything happened. It makes her want to lock herself up in her room and listen to sad love songs for days, but it wouldn't be right. She stopped being a normal teenage girl the day thunder came out of her body and lit the world on fire.

So she sticks to the shadows where trickster spirits like her belong.

* * *

Ethan knows it's his fault.

His brother is dead and it's his fault. They were twins and partners and watched each other's backs. But he hadn't watched closely enough. And now his brother was dead.

Now he's stuck in this crazy ass town, and alone for the first time in his whole life. He's never felt more lost. Aiden was always the leader; he was the follower. How the hell was he supposed to figure out what to do now?

What's left of the pack is broken and lost. Scott looks horrible, Lydia never smiles, Stiles looks like a ghost, and that Isaac kid even ditched town. It's not exactly who he'd pick to settle down with. He cuts ties and leaves town on his own.

So he wanders and waits for the day when life doesn't suck so much. He hopes it's coming soon. But he knows he's going to spend the rest of his life feeling like something is missing…because something is.

* * *

Kira has started eating lunch in her dad's classroom again. She figures she should probably be embarrassed, but it's much less humiliating than sitting by herself and trying not to stare at a certain brown eyed boy a couple tables over.

It's actually kind of nice. She's not happy with her dad for keeping secrets from her, but they weren't really his to tell. He doesn't try to push her to make up with her mom either. He usually just chatters on about history and lets her eat in peace.

She's on her way to her dad's room for lunch one day when someone's notebooks slide in front of her. She picks them up and hands them to the blonde boy looking at her. His blue eyes light up with pleasant surprise.

"Hey, thanks," he says taking them from her. "It's Kira, right?"

"Yup," she says surprised and with a small blush. It's hard not to blush when a good-looking guy you've never spoken to before knows your name, even if you have no idea what his is.

"You going to lunch?" he asks leaning against the lockers behind him.

"To my dad's room actually," she answers and instantly regretting it. He didn't know she was a loser. She didn't have to tell him she ate lunch with her dad.

"The history teacher," he says with a nod. They stand there for another moment awkwardly.

"Well, bye," she says quickly because she doesn't know what else to do. She hears him start to say something after her but it gets lost in all the other students moving around them.

Sure, he was cute. But she's really not in the mood for any sort of relationship right now, not even light before lunch flirting.

* * *

It takes Lydia a while before she remembers she has another girl friend. She's sitting in math class when the teacher calls on Kira and it hits her. _When was the last time she'd even spoken to Kira?_

Kira answers the question in her usual please nobody pay attention to me way and Lydia turns around to give her a long look. Her hair is slightly messy and her expression sad in a way you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it.

Lydia feels a different kind of guilt than the one that usually plagues her. Her friends that she still has are mort important than ever. She shouldn't let them slip away.

After class she finds Kira and drags her into the nearest empty classroom. Kira is so surprised she doesn't even fight back.

"I'm sorry," says Lydia getting it out of the way early on. She hates apologies and all the things that come with them.

"For what?" Kira asks still clearly confused as to what they're doing here.

Lydia sighs. "For ignoring you. I didn't mean to. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

"I was kind of avoiding you," admits Kira refusing to make eye contact.

"Why?" demands Lydia sharply. This was unexpected.

"I didn't think you'd want me around," Kira answers sadly. "This was all my fault."

"_How?"_ Lydia can't even start to comprehend how any of this could be Kira's fault. It can't be Kira's, it's hers.

"If it hadn't been for me," Kira says with a slight sniffle, "Stiles never would have opened up his mind to the Nogitsune. It was my thunder. I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident." Kira looks like she's seconds away from a meltdown.

"Before you got here there was a ritual we had to do, something that opened up Stiles' mind to other influences," says Lydia calmly. If she can't fix herself than the very least she can do is fix Kira. "You wouldn't have known about it. That's why the Nogitsune could get in. It was a special set of circumstances that you couldn't have controlled."

"You guys don't blame me?" Kira asked softly and it breaks Lydia's heart a little.

"No," she says strongly. "Not at all. Now I have to redo your makeup because you look like a mess."

Kira accepts this without complaint and things start to mend between them. They text each other and Lydia makes Kira stop eating with her dad and demands she throws out the shoes she's wearing if she wants to continue being on speaking terms with her. Kira actually smiles when she tells her this.

It's not much, but having someone really makes a difference.

* * *

It's strange to Kira because Lydia and her weren't all that close before everything happened. Now they were together all the time. She was the first person she spoke to at school and the last before she left.

She wasn't a replacement, she was sure of it. They never tried to pretend they were something they weren't. They were just getting to be real friends and that was enough.

One day while her and Lydia are eating lunch Julian (as she's found out his name is after getting sick of calling him blonde hallway boy) approaches them with a big smile. Lydia looks ready to dismiss him when she notices the smile isn't for her but for Kira. She gives the other girl a questioning look that Kira avoids.

"Hi," Kira says to try and get rid of the tension.

"I see you've decided to grace the lunchroom with your presence again. I had to come tell you we're all very grateful," Julian said flashing that same smile that made her feel both guilty and flattered.

Lydia isn't having any of it. "We were kind of in the middle of something actually," she informs him without sympathy.

"Oh," he says and the smile finally fades. "I'll see you around then." He leaves but looks at Kira again over his shoulder.

Kira goes back to picking at her lunch and avoids eye contact with the girl across from her.

"Spill," says Lydia crossing her arms.

"His name is Julian," Kira informs her dejectedly. "He sort of has a crush on me. I've been trying to let him down gently. He isn't getting the message."

"He's cute," observes Lydia not bothering to try and hide the fact that she's staring at him.

"Yeah, but he's…" _not Scott_ she adds in her head.

"Not Scott," Lydia says out loud. She doesn't hide from uncomfortable sentences like Kira does. "What's the deal with you two?"

Kira can't help but glance over at where she knows he's sitting with poorly disguised longing. "There is no deal."

"He broke up with you?"

Kira abandons her food all together and figures the sooner they discuss it the better. Talking it about it hurt. "We were never really together. And he never said anything. We just kind of…stopped."

"You two haven't spoken at all since it happened?" Lydia asks with disbelief. Kira wants to point out that she also ignored her for weeks but doesn't.

"Maybe this sounds stupid but I don't think Allison and I were with the same Scott," says Kira. Lydia doesn't even show a reaction to her name. "Allison loved him in spite of the fact that he was a werewolf. I loved that he was one because he helped me to accept what I am too. I met him as the strong Alpha he is now. I just don't think we saw the same version of him. And it feels like ever since that night he's gone back to the old one that I don't know."

"You're in love with him?" Lydia asks because that's the main thing she'd notice from a speech like that.

"What?" Kira squeaks. "No. I mean, not yet. I haven't known him _that _long. I just, I don't know, really care about him. A lot."

"I wouldn't give up hope just yet," says Lydia glancing over at him. "He cares about you too."

"He doesn't pay attention to me anymore," Kira dismisses. She's not whining. That's just how she sees it. She doesn't feel the need to mope in public. Well, not anymore at least. "That's what always made him special. He noticed me."

"What about the blonde one?" asks Lydia.

"He's nice," says Kira with a shrug. "But I mean we're kind of in the same boat, aren't we? With how Stiles is avoiding you?"

"He's _what?_" Lydia practically shouts causing almost everybody to turn and look at them. Lydia doesn't seem to notice. She's still waiting for an answer.

"Um, avoiding you?" Kira says like a question shrinking back from the terrifying look on Lydia's face.

Lydia doesn't say anything back. She just changes from anger to confusion and then something Kira can't quite figure out. The other girl leaves the lunchroom without another word abandoning Kira and all her other stuff.

Kira's smart enough to not try and stop her.

* * *

Lydia Martin does not jump to conclusions. She gathers information before she makes decisions. That is why she can say without a shadow of doubt that Stiles Stilinski is avoiding her.

She hadn't noticed at first. Sure it'd been a couple weeks since they'd really talked. That was to be expected. They both needed a little time to themselves after what they'd been through.

It was only when Kira mentioned it that Lydia started to realize something was off. Stiles wasn't anywhere she was. He always used to be annoyingly present throughout the day. Now she only saw him from far away.

She looked back through her phone and noticed he hadn't ever called or texted her back in a while. She hadn't thought it meant something at the time. She should have. Stiles always made it a point to answer her in the past.

She can't even remember the last conversation they had.

Lydia looks for him at school but he keeps his distance in a way that isn't obvious unless you're looking for it. It's the way that he pointedly doesn't look at her when he passes her in the hall when it would be natural to. Or how he's never by where her locker is anymore.

It's ironic really. The old Lydia wouldn't have even noticed (or cared) if Stiles was avoiding her. She probably would have been happy. She'd thought he was an over talkative dork.

Now she was crushed. How could he do this to her? Over the past couple months they'd become…Well they were _something._

His line from before they knew she was a banshee comes to her along with another pang of hurt. They were supposed to be in this together. God knows how many times he'd dragged her away from something to tell her his latest theory or plan.

Another memory surfaces suddenly from even longer ago, before she really had a grip on everything that was going on. Her and Stiles were in his bedroom arguing fiercely when he'd snapped at her.

"_You see, death doesn't happen to you, Lydia. Okay? It happens to all the people standing around at your funeral trying to figure out how they're going to live the rest of their lives without you in it."_

It's like an actual physical ache. How the fuck could he do this to her? When he knew exactly how much she was hurting right now? How much she needed-

_Screw this,_ Lydia scoffs internally. She was not going to be sad. She was going to get answers.

* * *

Scott is sitting at his usual lunch table by himself and it's rather depressing. Stiles had a test to make up and he really didn't talk to anyone else much these days. So he's surprised when Lydia takes the seat across from him.

"Why is Stiles avoiding me?" she asks in a clipped tone she saves for when she's really annoyed.

"Stiles is avoiding you?" he repeats dumbly. He had no idea. He hasn't been really paying close attention lately.

"Yes," says Lydia harshly with a glare. "_Why?_" The threat that if he doesn't talk he will regret it is clearly there.

"I honestly have no idea," says Scott innocently. "He hasn't said anything to me."

"You're his best friend! Aren't you just supposed to know?" demands Lydia. Scott hears the barely detectable pain in the question. He immediately feels sympathetic.

"Have you tried talking to him?" he asks hesitantly. An angry Lydia is a scary Lydia. This was true before any supernatural thing had ever happened to him.

"No," she answers shortly. "But he hasn't spoken, called, texted, or even _looked_ at me in weeks. I think it makes it pretty clear."

"Maybe he has a good reason," says Scott thinking of the girl he couldn't seem to stop avoiding. "Sometimes people need time by themselves for a while after they go through something like he did."

"I'm not talking about you and Kira," snaps Lydia. Scott looks down in shame. "Even though we should be talking about you and Kira and how you're a total ass."

"She said that?" he asks with a dry throat and panic.

"God, no," says Lydia rolling her eyes. "The girl would never say a bad word about you, even if you totally deserve it."

"You of all people should understand," says Scott angrily. Doesn't he deserve some freaking time to mourn?

"I should understand what?" asks Lydia with more anger than he's possibly ever seen from her. "I should understand why an Alpha would abandon all his pack to mope? I should understand why he let two people go when what they really needed was guidance? I should understand why avoiding an innocent girl who loves you without any explanation is okay?"

Every word she says is like a punch in the gut to him. He can't even think of a way to respond. He just stares at her with an open mouth.

"I _understand_ that maybe you can't be in a relationship right now, and that you're hurting," continues Lydia with less anger. "But that doesn't excuse the rest of your behavior or not speaking to Kira at all."

Lydia stands up and gives him a final long look. "You're the Alpha. And you're a good one. It's not fair that this has happened to you. But you need to rise to the occasion and meet it head on."

She leaves him staring at the sandwich his mom made him this morning suddenly not hungry anymore. He feels terrible, absolutely terrible. Every single word she said had been true.

He slumped down in his chair and rested his head on his elbows. He needed to make some changes. Like now.

* * *

Kira notices a change in Lydia after that day in the lunchroom. She's got a certain edge to her now. She brings it up exactly once and Lydia's responding look made it quite clear the subject was closed.

So they don't talk about Scott or Stiles. They talk about school, college, kitsunes, banshees, and clothes. It starts to feel natural.

Kira is surprised the day Lydia shows up at her locker with another girl by her side. The girl has long wavy brown hair and something about her immediately makes Kira feel tense all over.

"Kira, this is Malia," introduces Lydia. "She's new to Beacon Hills."

"New to high school anyway," adds Malia flashing a wide smile.

"Werewolf?" Kira asks looking the new girl up and down. That would explain the weird feeling she was getting.

"Werecoyote actually," corrects Malia with a self-conscious shrug. "The details are a little odd."

Kira smiles at that. "I'm pretty used to odd." Malia looks pleased.

"Would you two hurry up?" asks Lydia rolling her eyes. "I'm starving."

She stalks off and Kira and Malia follow. Kira sympathizes with Malia. She's been the new girl. She's also been the newly supernatural girl. Neither was very fun.

"A banshee, a kitsune, and a werecoyote walk into a lunchroom," says Kira quietly and Malia lets out a loud snort.

"Now if that isn't the beginning of a terrible joke I don't know what is," she says shaking her head and smirking.

Kira laughs along but on the inside she disagrees. It feels like the beginning of something much better than a bad joke.

* * *

Scott starts with Stiles. It should be the easiest one after all. They're best friends. If you can't talk to your best friend who can you talk to?

So he doesn't take his bike to school that day but asks Stiles to pick him up. The Jeep pulls up and he gets in feeling anxious. He tells himself not to be stupid, it's just Stiles.

"Hey," he greets closing the door. Stiles nods in response. They ride in silence for a couple minutes. Scott racks his brains for ways to even start a conversation like this. Being subtle has never been a strength of his.

"Stiles," he says abruptly, "I need to talk to you."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Stiles asks turning to look at him with raised eyebrows. "That is what people say when they want to break up."

"Seriously though," Scott says. "We need to talk."

Stiles sighs and pulls over next to a random house. He stops the car and runs his hands through his hair. "I've been expecting this."

"You have?"

"Yeah," says Stiles. "You get your body hijacked by an evil fox spirit that kills a bunch of people and you figure eventually your Alpha best friend is going to want to talk about it."

He says it with his usual part sarcastic and part bitter tone that he's perfected over the past couple years. Scott gives a half smile at it.

"No Alpha stuff," he promises. "Just best friend stuff. I need to know you're okay."

"Am I okay?" Stiles asks his eyes staring straight ahead. "I guess. Not sure if okay is the word I'd pick for it. I'd go with something like functioning."

"Is there anything I can do to help you function better?" Scott asks feeling helpless.

"You're already doing it," says Stiles turning to smile thinly at him. "I just need us to pretend to be normal for right now. I can't take any more supernatural. So if you could just be my best friend without the Alpha part for a while, that'd be great."

"No werewolf stuff," promises Scott. "I won't say a word." Stiles nods at him and the issue is resolved for right now. He doesn't think it's really gone away though.

"I gotta tell you something," says Stiles. But the way he says it isn't the painful way Scott is used to things being said lately. It's part shy and part mischievous.

"What?"

"I hooked up with Malia," he admits with a hint of smugness. He's trying hard to fight off a smirk.

"What?" asks Scott immediately. "When? Where? God, tell me it wasn't in my room when I went to get a snack. I'll never be able to look at it the same."

"Calm down, dude," says Stiles with a half laugh. "It was a while ago actually. Let's just say if another crazy person on a vengeance streak starts going for the virgins again I'll be safe."

"Holy shit," says Scott with wonder. It's all he can think to say. "Are you guys like a thing now?"

"I have no idea," says Stiles shaking his head. "We haven't really talked about it. She kind of has a lot going on with the whole was a coyote that lived in the woods for half her life thing. I have the whole was possessed by a Nogitsune thing going on. We've just kind of been letting the other do their own thing."

Scott frowns because while he's happy for his best friend something else is off. "What about Lydia?"

"What about Lydia?" repeats Stiles blankly.

"You've never really been interested in anyone else," points out Scott.

"I have!" claims Stiles looking offended.

"Like who?" Scott asks not buying it at all.

"Heather," says Stiles with a clearly implied _duh._

"You went to her birthday party, almost hooked up, and then she was murdered by our English teacher," says Scott shaking his head.

"And thank you for being so sympathetic about that," says Stiles sarcastically. They're quiet again for a moment.

"Look, Lydia obviously has way more on her plate than any of us," says Stiles eventually. He starts the car again and pulls back on the road. "This thing with Malia is great. I like her. She likes me. Let's just leave it at that."

"Okay," says Scott. His best friend's love life is so not his business. An image of Lydia demanding why Stiles was avoiding her comes up, but he ignores it. If Malia made him happy, that was good enough for Scott.

* * *

Lydia likes to keep busy. If she's not doing anything she always ends up feeling alone and depressed. So staying busy is a top priority. Which is why she's going through her shoe collection and rearranging them by alphabetical order of the designer's last names rather than first names like she used to have it.

She texted Malia to come help but she already had plans. Lydia tries not to think about who the plans are probably with. Thinking about him was almost as bad as doing nothing. She'd invite Kira, but organizing shoes doesn't seem like something she'd enjoy.

When she hears a knock on her door she thinks Malia's changed her mind and come after all. She leaves the closet and opens the door saying, "I knew you couldn't resist the promise of hours looking at shoes."

"Uh…" says a very confused Scott McCall standing in the doorway. "Is this a bad time?"

"Nope," says Lydia quickly and moving aside so he can enter. Scott looks around nervously and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Something wrong?" asks Lydia staying where she is at the door. She's not sure how she feels about Scott at the moment. She should be mad at him for Kira. She is mad at him for Stiles. She's devastated for him for Allison and Aiden.

"I came to apologize," says Scott frowning deeply.

Lydia looses her anger and takes a seat next to him on the bed. "For what?"

"It's my fault," says Scott miserably. "All of this is my fault."

"What's your fault?" she asks trying to keep her tone normal. She's never dealt with an emotional Scott before. It was throwing her off.

"Everything," he answers putting his head in his hands. "I'm the Alpha. It's my job to protect everyone. I failed. I let people get killed. I got Allison and Aiden killed."

He sounds seconds away from crying and Lydia's eyes aren't exactly dry either. She swallows them back because they aren't going to help anything right now.

"You can't really think I'd blame you," she says her voice thankfully not cracking.

"You should," says Scott brokenly. "I do."

She watches him try to not fall apart and it hurts. This seventeen-year-old boy feels guilt more deeply than anyone she knows; she's seen it before. It's never been quite this bad though.

"I don't," she says firmly. "And you shouldn't either. It's not going to fix anything."

"Everything I do lately is wrong. I let Isaac go. I didn't even try to talk to Ethan before he left. I screw up every time I try to talk to Stiles. You're pissed at me. Kira probably hates me," says Scott with frustration.

"I was wrong to yell at you at school like that," says Lydia not realizing how much her words had gotten to him. "I was pissed, but it wasn't fair of me to take it out on you."

"No, you were right. I've been a bad Alpha and an ever worse friend," he says. "I just wish there was something I could do."

"Sounds like you're already on your way," she says smiling at him. "You're already a thousand times better than the whiny guy I yelled at last week."

"I'm glad someone thinks so," he says smiling back. "It's not like I'm close to being over anything, but I'm sick of sitting around and thinking about it all the time."

"I get the feeling," she says glancing over at her tower of shoes.

"I didn't mean to load all my problems on you," Scott says apologetically. "It's just that Stiles made a no werewolf stuff rule and Isaac's gone and Derek's vanished again."

"You should talk to Kira," says Lydia noticing how he tenses at her name. "I know you need some time, but you shouldn't just completely drop her from your life. I know how that feels. It's pretty awful."

"Stiles is a little off these days," says Scott not wanting to get into the Kira thing. "You can't push him too hard. Maybe you should just try and talk to him normally. Be casual."

"Casual?" repeats Lydia skeptically.

"Just try," advises Scott getting up and walking out. Then he hesitated at the door.

"Was there something else?" Lydia asks none too gently.

"I just want to be clear," says Scott with an unusually serious expression. "Even though I'm a werewolf and you're a banshee, you're pack. We're all in this together. If you need me, I'm there. No matter what I'm doing."

"Understood," says Lydia solemnly. She'd already known that. It didn't hurt to have him say it though.

Scott gave her a last nod and left. She didn't feel like organizing her shoes anymore. She flopped onto the beat and dialed Kira's number. Misery loves company.

* * *

Scott was not spying on Kira and that blonde guy who always seemed to be hanging around her these days. Okay, maybe he was a little. He couldn't help that he had werewolf hearing and didn't have to be that close to listen in on conversations.

He didn't _intend _to listen, but he was walking down the hallway and heard something that made his stomach clench and feet stumble a little.

"So do you have any plans for after school?" asked the blonde boy leaning against her locker as Kira exchanged her things for the next class.

"I might go to the library," Kira answered obliviously and Scott saw the boy shake his head and smile. This time it wasn't a stomach clench but pure anger.

Who was this guy asking Kira out? He hadn't seen him around much before. He should have noticed if some jerk was skulking around his…well, not his girlfriend. Kira and him hadn't quite reached that point. There was also he fact that he hadn't said a work to her in weeks.

But they were _something._

Something good and something he wasn't ready to lose. He wasn't exactly sure what his plan was. His legs seemed to be on autopilot as he made his way down the hallway.

"I _meant_," says the stupid boy with his stupid dopey smile in what he thinks is a charming but really isn't dragged out way, "did you want to do something after school?"

Scott is so busy listening that he doesn't notice how close he's gotten to them until Kira turns around and crashes straight into him. Her notebooks fly out of her hands and they stare at each other with wide eyes. Then Kira's expression turns to one of pure horror.

"I'm so sorry. So incredibly sorry," she says frantically bending down to grab her stuff. She won't meet his eyes. "I didn't see you. I _did not_ see you. I didn't mean to-I'm so sorry."

He watches this and knows he should say something back but he can't find the words. He reaches down and grabs one of her books and their hands meet when he tries to give it to her. She is so startled she looks up and drops all of her things again. There is an uncomfortable pause where neither of them moves.

"I don't really need my books anyway," Kira says jumping up and practically running into the girls' bathroom. Scott watches her with his mouth still hanging open intending to say something.

The other boy's chuckle breaks him out of his stupor. "That Kira, she's really something."

"Yeah, she is," says Scott hollowly before starting to pick her stuff up again. Could he _be _more of an idiot?

* * *

Lydia receives an SOS text from Kira and finds her practically hyperventilating in the bathroom. She keeps muttering to herself under her breath.

"What happened to you?" Lydia asks checking her makeup in the mirror and reapplying her lip-gloss. She hears Kira sigh deeply next to her.

"I'm such an _idiot._ I was at my locker talking to Julian and then I turned around and Scott was there and I barreled into him like a total dork and dropped all my stuff and he's Scott so he tried to pick it up for me but then his hand brushed mine and I panicked and dropped all my stuff again and ran away," Kira says without pausing once. "Then I texted you."

"You bumped into him. It's not like you did much damage. He has the whole werewolf healing thing," points out Lydia. "I think it takes a bit more than the shoulder of a teenage girl to leave a mark."

"I'm not worried about that," says Kira miserably. She slumps against the wall and puts her head in her hands. "He's going to think I did it on purpose."

"Why would he think that?" asks Lydia.

"Because I'm a kitsune and I should be able to tell when people, especially _werewolves_, are right behind me," explains Kira looking up with a deep frown. "But I'm not really good at all this stuff yet and I can't go to my mom for help. But he doesn't know that so he's going to think it was some desperate attempt to get him to talk to me."

"Kira, Scott would never think you'd try to get his attention by running into him. He knows you better than that," Lydia says gently. Here she was calming down a friend over Scott McCall again. Some things never change.

"Are you sure?" Kira asks looking mostly relieved and a tiny bit hopeful.

"Positive. Did you really leave all your things lying in the middle of the hallway?" Lydia asks giving hers appearance one more glance in the mirror before turning to leave the bathroom.

"Uh, yeah," answers Kira sheepishly following her out. They walk over to her locker to find all her stuff was no longer there. Kira starts to panic and opens her locker to find it all perfectly in place. Lydia can't help but smirk at the stunned look on her face.

"But how?" she asks looking up and down the hallway as if that will explain what happened.

"I think you were wrong when you said Scott McCall didn't pay attention to you anymore. Apparently he knows your locker combination," says Lydia. She lets that sink in for a minute before walking away leaving Kira staring at her locker with a small smile.

She almost makes it to her class before Scott ambushes her. She's not even a tiny bit surprised. Should she even try to go to class?

"Is Kira okay?" he asks not even bothering to greet her.

"She's fine," Lydia snaps. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have class." She tries to move past him but he pouts at her and she huffs in annoyance. But she gives him a look to keep going.

"It's just that…I ran into her earlier, like literally ran into her, and she kind of freaked out. She was talking to this guy-"

"Julian," interrupts Lydia innocently.

"What?" Scott looks momentarily thrown off.

"His name is Julian," Lydia informs him with fake sweetness.

"Does it matter?" Scott asks but Lydia can see he's annoyed by it. "She was talking to _Julian_ and I was, uh, walking by and we kind of collided. Then she started apologizing like crazy and ran off before I could say anything."

"She's worried you'll think she did it on purpose," says Lydia deciding to put the boy out of his misery. In the back of her mind she thinks that might be against girl code but a little meddling could maybe put these two out of their misery.

"Why would I think that?" Scott asks his face scrunching up in confusion.

"She thinks that you think that she should be able to tell when a werewolf is right behind her and ran into you on purpose to get your attention," says Lydia attempting to move past him once again.

"Why would she do that?" Scott asks moving in front of her again stubbornly. Lydia gives him a glare but he doesn't move.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you've been avoiding her for weeks and she's had it?" Lydia asks rolling her eyes at him.

"Yeah, but Kira's not like that. She would never do that," says Scott brushing off her accusations again. Typical boy behavior.

"Scott McCall, enough is enough," Lydia says forcefully. "Kira is a sweet girl, and she doesn't deserve this. If you want her, that's great, but if you don't you need to let her know now so she doesn't have a panic attack every time you two have some sort of physical contact."

"I…I just…I'm not ready," Scott mumbles looking at the ground. Lydia feels for him, she really does. But somebody needs to pull his head out of his ass and the sooner the better.

"She's not going to wait forever, Scott. Julian's not going to be the only guy who notices her. So make up your mind soon before you lose your chance," instructs Lydia. She gives him one last warning look and walks to class. It's amazing how low her attendance has been this year. She's lucky she's a genius.

* * *

Kira hesitates before entering the living room. Her mom is in there alone and her dad left to run some errands. She knows that holding grudges, especially with family (no matter how strange the family), never solved anything. Still it's hard to make herself take the first steps after being lied to like that.

But she can't be unprepared for the future and the only person who can help her is her mother. So she pushes down her hurt feelings and walks into the room. Her mom doesn't look up until she takes the seat on the couch across from hers.

"Teach me," says Kira plainly. There is a time and a place for apologies and forgiveness. It has not arrived yet.

"Teach you what?" asks her mother crossing her arms.

"Everything," she answers. "Teach me everything."

"Very well," her mom says and Kira notices a soft smile that she tries to hide. She manages to give her one back.

Katana wielding, mythology, and family secrets become part of her everyday routine. Her mother and her still don't talk about anything else, but the hostility is gone. It's a start.

* * *

Lydia is definitely not freaking out. Nope, not even a little bit.

She can do this. This is easy, nothing to worry about. It's just Stiles. She's talked to Stiles a million times before. She was just going to walk right up to him and be totally casual. She's Lydia Martin, and she can do this.

She makes it halfway to him before she panics and turns around. It would totally be better if she waited until tomorrow. Then out of the corner of her eye she sees Kira once again watching Scott like a kicked puppy and stops. God, she doesn't want to look like that. So she marches up to Stiles Stilinksi's locker with her brave face, and thank God he's not a werewolf and can't hear how her heart is racing.

He sees her and she sees a flicker of emotion in his eyes before he gives her a sort of half smile. They stare at each other for a moment before Lydia remembers that she actually has to _say something_.

"What are you doing your biology project on?" is the first thing that comes out of her mouth. Weeks of not talking and that's what her mind decides to go with. She wants to ask if she can take it back and start over because Stiles is looking at her like she's a tiny bit crazy and it's totally justified.

"I was thinking about doing mine on lytic polysaccharide monooxygenases," she continues seeing as he still hasn't said a word and it's freaking her out. "It's an enzyme that can help breakdown biomass in the body. Fungi and bacteria secrete it. There's a lot of research going into it right now."

Stiles keeps looking at her blankly and she can't stop talking. "So, bowling…Bowling is pretty great. It's all scientific actually. I bet you could figure out the perfect trajectories and angles easily. I've tried it myself but it wasn't a real test. Mostly I was just trying to piss Jackson off."

"Yeah, bowling is…good?" says Stiles unsure of what to make of her hectic speech. She stops the next frantic sentence that's about to come out because holy shit he talked back. She didn't plan for what came next after he talked back. It's the first time his voice has been directed at her in ages and maybe he thinks she's a lunatic but it still makes her stomach twist irrationally.

"Yeah," she says weakly and then walks off without another word. This is the last time she's ever taking advice from Scott McCall.

* * *

"So what's up with Lydia?" Stiles asks Scott as he takes the seat behind him in English. Scott has to fight the urge to groan. He'd witnessed the whole "casual conversation" between them this morning.

"What do you mean?" he asks hoping he can avoid this.

"She came up to me in the hall and starting talking about lytic polysaccharide monooxygenases and bowling and then ran away before I could even respond. Is she okay?" Stiles asks with his usual Lydia expression. It's part protective, part scared, and part totally infatuated.

"Why do you think I know something?" asks Scott pretending to be really interested in their English book. It was slightly gibberish. Man, he really needed to pay attention in class more.

"I know you guys have been talking or whatever. If you know something you have to tell me," demands Stiles.

His best friend is giving him a glare that would make anyone else nervous, but all he feels is happiness. Because a Stiles who freaks out over Lydia Martin and whether she's okay is the Stiles he's been missing these past few weeks. Maybe Lydia's attempt to talk to him wasn't such a failure.

"She hasn't told me anything, I swear," Scott says holding up his hands in innocence. "I mean, yeah, I've asked how she's doing and stuff but she kind of brushed me off."

"Oh," says Stiles dejectedly. "Do you think she's okay?"

"I don't really think any of us are okay," answers Scott with a sigh turning back around to actually pay attention this time.

He doesn't think he's made much progress with Stiles, but he can see how this really bothers him. His face doesn't change from his hard thinking expression for the rest of the day.

* * *

Lydia is painting her nails violet when her phone starts ringing. She sighs and puts the brush back in the bottle to grab it. It's a strange number she doesn't recognize. But she's sitting alone on a Thursday night painting her nails, so she could use a little excitement.

"Hello," she says inquisitively.

"Lydia?" says a voice that makes her almost drop the phone in surprise.

"_Jackson?"_ she practically screeches into the phone. Because it's been months since they've spoken and he never was the one to call her. She doesn't even have his number anymore.

"Yeah," says Jackson shortly.

"And you're calling me why?" she asks trying not to panic. This was the boy who'd broken her heart twice and left the country while she was trying to pick up the pieces.

"I heard about what happened," he says in his usual brusque way. "I wanted to call to check up on you."

Lydia stares at the phone in disbelief. "You did?" The Jackson she knows does not call people out of the blue to ask them how they are.

"Yeah," he says. "You okay?"

"Uh, not really?" she says sharply. What kind of stupid question was that? Obviously she was not okay, and even a dunce like him should know that.

"When Stiles called me and told me to check up on you I could have said no, so you could be a little grateful," says Jackson going back to his usual self.

"Stiles called you?" she asks not really listening anymore. She stands up and that is the final straw. She is seething angry and she is going to murder Stiles Stilinski.

"Yeah, he-" Jackson is still saying on the phone before Lydia hangs up abruptly. She yanks her coat on and storms out the door.

She slams it so hard it shakes a little behind her.

* * *

Scott has been pacing outside the Yukimura's house for exactly eight minutes now. He had been sitting at home and suddenly decided that it was time. It was time to talk to Kira and sort some things out.

Unfortunately his courage lasted until right when he reached the door and he started panicking. And so he was pacing. He doesn't remember the last time he was this nervous.

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to knock. The couple of seconds it takes for someone to open the door seem to drag out infinitely.

But it's not Kira or her parents who open the door. It's Malia looking at him with a puzzled expression.

"Scott? I didn't know you knew Kira," says Malia standing in the doorway like it's her house.

Well, he's never felt crappier in his whole life.

"Malia, who's at the…" Kira starts to ask before noticing him there. "Scott." Her voice gets softer and thicker. There's an awkward pause while the three of them all stand in the doorway looking at each other.

"Could you give us a moment?" Kira asks Malia. Malia shrugs and walks back inside. Kira steps onto the front steps and shuts the door behind her. She leans against it and watches him with a blank expression.

"Hi," he says stupidly. He hasn't said a word to her in twenty-six days and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is hi. He could die right there.

"Did you need something?" asks Kira. It's not cold or dismissive. It's just a simple question.

"I needed to talk," he stumbles on his words. She's steady and he's so not. "I needed to talk to you."

"Okay," she says crossing her arms solemnly. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I need to apologize," he says locking eyes with hers.

"You don't have to do that," she says shaking her head.

"No, I do," says Scott strongly. "I've been an absolute asshole and I can't even begin to say how sorry I am."

"I'm not mad at you, Scott," she says. "What you went through…I can't even begin to imagine. I just wish I could have been there for you."

Her words cut deep and he can't believe he shut her out completely and she won't even be angry with him. It's so much worse.

"That's no excuse for what I did," he says, determined to say what he came here to say. "And I'm so sorry. Even if I did need some time to myself I should have at least told you that."

"I got it without you needing to say anything," says Kira gently. "I meant what I said. You don't need to apologize to me. You don't owe me anything."

"I want to," he says desperately. "I want to make things right between us."

"There's nothing to fix," says Kira with slight bitterness. "The girl you loved died, Scott. I was just a girl you'd started hanging out with. It makes sense that you didn't want to be with me after everything."

"That's not true," says Scott sharply. He thinks it's the first time in this whole conversation she's been surprised. She bites her lip and doesn't say anything.

"I know your feelings have probably changed," Scott says looking down because he doesn't want to see the confirmation on her face that he's nothing to her now. "It's not that I didn't want to be with you. I _still _want to… I'm just not ready for something. I'm not there yet. It's getting better, but I just can't right now. That's what I should have said to you earlier."

"What if my feelings haven't changed?" she asks without fear. She seems bolder than the girl he used to know. It makes him want her even more.

"I can't ask you to wait for me," he says even though he wishes he could. He _really _wishes he could be that selfish. But he can't. She's way too good for him and she deserves to be happy.

"What if I want to wait?" she whispers lowly. Her eyes never leave his in embarrassment or nervousness. They stay on him, steady and warm.

His heart stops and restarts again wildly. He takes one of her hands in his and intertwines their figures. "That would make me insanely happy," he says honestly.

"Then I will," says Kira giving his hand a light squeeze of assurance.

Scott can't stop smiling and she starts to smile too and it makes his whole stomach lurch. He knows know why he tried to stay away from this for so long. He didn't want to be around something that made him feel like this while he was still deep in loss. The two feelings didn't go together at all. This one was too light and pure to be tainted with something dark like that.

Slowly he leans and brushes his lips against her cheek. She shivers a little and he has to fight the urge to really kiss her. He wants to so badly, but he just said he isn't ready and that would be a really big mixed signal.

He pulls back and they're both breathing a little harder than normal and their heartbeats aren't exactly steady. They stare at each other in a way that is completely sappy and would probably have continued to if Malia didn't choose that moment to fling open the door.

"Everything alright out here?" she asks suspiciously looking back and forth between them.

"Totally fine," says Scott too quickly while putting a good feet of space between them. Kira nods in agreement. Malia gives him one last searching look.

"Kira, your food's getting cold," she says pointedly. Kira gets the message and walks back inside reluctantly.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" she asks with poorly disguised hope.

"Definitely," Scott answers quickly. Kira smiles at him again and shuts the door.

He walks back to his bike slowly and a humongous weight has been lifted off him. He reaches down for his phone and immediately calls Stiles.

* * *

Lydia doesn't even bother with knocking. She knows it's Tuesday and the Sheriff is working late and Stiles leaves the door open for him even though his dad always tells him to lock it. She just storms right in and goes straight to Stiles' room and barges in.

"How dare you," she says glaring at him like it might melt his stupid face off. He stares at her with an open mouth and slowly drops the stack of papers he was holding to the ground.

"Lydia," he says he name like it's a foreign language. "What are you doing here?" Stiles' phone starts going off but both of them ignore it.

"What am I doing here?" she practically shouts. "I'm here to ask what the hell is wrong with you!"

"Is something wrong?" Stiles asks standing up and cautiously moving towards her.

"Is something wrong?" she repeats murderously. "I can't believe you!"

"Lydia, just tell me what's going on," he says obviously trying to calm her down. It makes her even angrier.

"_What's going on_ is that my best friend and boyfriend were both murdered within two days of each other and the _one person_ I expected to be there for me just cut me out of their life without any explanation," Lydia says through clenched teeth.

Stiles stops where he is and stares at her blankly. "What do you mean?"

"I thought because you went through something big that you just needed your space," she says with a scowl. "Then a month went by and you were still ignoring me. And then you have Jackson call me to check on me when you couldn't even be bothered to ask me yourself."

"I don't know," says Stiles not meeting her eyes. "You mentioned him the other day and I remembered how close you were. I thought he could help you."

"How could you possibly think that?" demands Lydia. When has Jackson made he feel anything but shitty?

"I was just trying to help!" he says looking offended. Lydia almost rings his neck right then and there.

"_I needed you_!" Lydia yells without shame. "Not Scott, not Kira, and I for sure as hell didn't need _Jackson. _I needed _you_!"

"How was I supposed to know that?" asks Stiles throwing his hands in the air. "You've never needed me before!"

"You just were!" she yells back. "After everything we've been through you should have!"

"Why me?" he asks. He's actually confused and it crushes her a little through her anger. Does he really not know how important he is to her?

"How can you say that?" asks Lydia, her eyes starting to water. "Remember what Deaton said? When you sacrificed yourself that night? That it had to be someone who you were connected to, someone to bring you back when things get really bad."

"Yeah, and you were _my _anchor," says Stiles stubbornly. "I was never yours."

"But you are," says Lydia her voice cracking a little. "You are my anchor and you basically left me to drown. What did I do to deserve that?"

"I'm not _mad_ at you Lydia!" says Stiles running his hands through his hair in frustration. "God, I thought I was doing you a favor. I mean, I pretty much singlehandedly ruined your life. I thought I could spare you some pain by leaving you alone."

She stops the biting response on the tip of her tongue to think for a second about what he just said. And suddenly it all makes sense.

She wants to smack herself for missing it earlier, because there _is_ somebody on this earth who feels guilt more deeply than Scott. And he's falling apart right in front of her.

* * *

Because Stiles _knows_ it's his fault, he knows it deep in his soul. Or what's left of it anyway. Can your soul still be whole after killing so many people? So many friends?

This wasn't like all the movies. He didn't wake up after being possessed with no memory of what happened. He remembered _every single thing._ He remembered stabbing his best friend in the stomach. He remembered kidnapping the girl he'd been half in love with since the third grade. He remembers taunting and torturing the people he cares about the most.

The memories that really haunt him are the ones of giving the orders to kill his friends, to kill Allison and Aiden. They were dead and it was _his fault._

He'd been the weak one yet again. He'd let the Nogitsune in and take over. It was worse than being the useless human that he usually was. He'd always been dead weight, but this time he'd been the enemy. They should have just killed him. Nobody would have had to die if they had just killed him.

Okay, he doesn't really believe that. He doesn't want to be dead. He very much wants to be alive. It just really sucks. Everyday he sees his friends and is constantly reminded how he ruined all of their lives. Not to mention he doesn't even remember the last time he got a full night of sleep.

It was the least he could do to leave Lydia alone. He'd bothered her enough the past nine years. She didn't need him bringing her down anymore. Even though he had to physically force himself not to ask how she was or call her all the time.

"It's not your fault, Stiles," she says softly and this is why. This is why he doesn't try and talk to anyone because this is what they'll say and he doesn't want that. He should be able to feel guilty and they won't let him.

"Yes," he says without emotion. "It is."

"You know I talked to Kira a couple weeks back," Lydia says out of nowhere. "She told me she wasn't avoiding everyone to give them space. She said she was avoiding us because it was her fault. She opened up your mind with her thunder."

"But that's completely ridic-" he starts to protest before she cuts him off sharply.

"Then I talked to Scott," she continues with a look that clearly implies he will not interrupt again. "He was going out of his mind with guilt, saying how he was the Alpha and this was his fault. That he was the leader and he wasn't supposed to let anyone get hurt."

"While I talked to them all I could think was that it couldn't be their fault because it was mine. I'm the one who got captured that lead to Allison getting killed. Aiden wouldn't have been trying to prove something so hard if I hadn't told him he needed to."

"Isaac and Ethan both left town and I didn't see it before but I do now. They both felt guilty: Isaac for Allison, and Ethan for Aiden. They thought it was their fault."

"So what I'm trying to say," says Lydia coming closer and looking at him with warm hazel eyes. "Is that sometimes bad things happen. We can blame ourselves for the rest of our lives and it won't change anything. It only make it harder to move on."

"And if you can't accept that it wasn't your fault," she practically whispers," then let us at least share the blame with you. Because it's killing me and everyone else to see you like this."

His heart skips a beat and he pulls her close and holds on tightly. God, he's missed her. Lydia had a way of getting to him unlike anyone else. He's trembling a little bit as he hugs her but she just squeezes him tighter.

"I'm sorry," he says into her strawberry blonde hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you needed me. If I had known I would have been there. Even if I had to battle all the supernatural creatures in the world."

"I know you would have," she answers and he can tell she's smiling.

He knows her should let go because friends don't hug like this. And Lydia smells _really _good and feels even better. And Malia's face flashes in his mind. And he's been in love with her his whole life. And kissing someone was not the best way to relieve someone of a panic attack; he did extensive research on it. But he's tired of not doing what he wants to so he keeps holding on.

"I missed you," she mumbles and it feels like he's won something terribly important.

"I missed you too," he replies with a huge smile on his face that he's glad that she can't see.

He's the most broken out of all of them, but tonight is the first time he's had hope he can get back to where he used to be.

* * *

The next day at school Lydia sees him waiting by her locker after biology and she'd be lying if she said it didn't make her feel tingly all over and bite down on a triumphant smile.

"Lydia Martin," he greets her smiling widely.

"Stiles," she says without emotion while turning to open her locker. Just because they've made up doesn't mean he doesn't have some serious kissing up to do. That'll teach him to ignore her for a month.

"How are you?" he asks not losing a bit of enthusiasm.

"Fine," she chirps checking her makeup in the mirror hanging in her locker.

"I'm extremely well, thank you for asking," he says and she can see his exasperated look in the mirror. "Want to walk to class with me?"

"No," she denies with flair as she shuts her locker and turns to face him with a raised eyebrow that implied _work for it._

"Come on, let me walk you to class," he says with that smirk that would be annoying if it hadn't been so long since she'd seen it. "You can tell me about lytic polysaccharide monooxygenasesor or about your newfound interest in bowling."

She glares at him. "Sorry for making an effort," she huffs and turns to stalk off.

"Lydia! Wait!" he grabs her wrist and she lets him. "I'm just kidding. I love that you made an effort and that we're friends again and that I can wait by your locker for you. So I would really like it if we could spend some time together on this lovely three hundred foot walk to history."

"Hmm," she pauses like she has to really think about it. "Fine," she says eventually hiding that she's secretly pleased. Her favorite version of Stiles is the one who makes big speeches and goes too far and shows how much he really cares. This reminds her of that.

"Thank God," she hears him say under his breath and this time she can't fight the smile that takes over her whole face.

* * *

Two days later Lydia watches in what she hops is a discrete way as Stiles and Malia flirt in their own weird, awkward way. Although she might be a bit biased.

"He'd pick you, you know. In a heartbeat," she hears someone say behind her. So she wasn't being discrete. Or it could be that Scott is a werewolf and sees more than others. Or that somehow this boy has become one of the people who know her the best.

"Maybe," she says noncommittally. She doesn't want to let on how his words make her feel. That they make her somewhat happy but mostly just hurt.

"No, seriously," Scott says shaking his head with a smile. "It would be the best day of his life."

"She makes him happy," she says watching him light up when Malia says something to him.

"He'd be ecstatic to be with you," Scott argues.

"_If_ he picked me right now," she says emphasizing she isn't saying she agrees with him, "He wouldn't be getting the best version of me. I'm not ready for something like that yet."

"_When_ he picked you he'd be okay with any version of you," says Scott giving her a look she's familiar with. She's given it to him over Kira many times these past few weeks.

"But he deserves the best one," she says softly. "He deserves more than a still half broken girl."

"Nobody thinks you're broken, Lydia," says Scott losing his arguing tone and using a more gentle and warm one.

"It's about what I think," she answers pointedly clearly saying the discussion is now closed.

"I should thank you," says Scott catching her off guard.

"For Kira? Yeah, you should," Lydia says with a smirk.

"No, not that. Well, yeah, that too. But just for being there. You were there for Kira. Stiles, and me when you're the one who lost the most. It was really brave," says Scott putting his hand on her shoulder and smiling at her. "I don't know how we would have gotten through any of this without you."

Lydia Martin doesn't cry often and even less at school but she can't help the tears that start to fill her eyes. Scott doesn't comment on them.

"We plan to return the favor," is all he says before giving her shoulder a squeeze and walking away.

She feels the most whole since the night she screamed Allison's name and the world turned upside down. Sue her if her makeup was a little messed up the rest of the day.

* * *

Kira isn't quite sure what to make of what's going on with her friends right now. She sees Lydia and Stiles have made up. Then she sees Malia kiss Stiles in between classes. She doesn't comment on either of these things. Not commenting, she's decided, will be her course of action in this situation.

A teeny tiny part of her might be pulling for one friend over the other, but she squashes it and maintains being neutral. Or at least she tries to. Working with Danny in English and forcing Lydia to find a new partner (who just so happens to be Stiles) might be jeopardizing that. But Lydia's pleased look takes away most of her guilt.

She's putting her English stuff away when she feels a familiar presence approaching. She stifles a sigh and smiles at him.

"Hi, Julian," she greets pleasantly.

"Kira," he says in return smiling widely. "Just the girl I was hoping to see. What are you doing after school today?"

Kira hesitates before answering. While her and Julian are strictly just friends she gets the feeling that's not exactly what he's asking. On the other hand she really doesn't have plans after school. Stiles occupying both of her best friends has left her with a lot more free time on her hands. And she doesn't want to lie. That'd be rude.

"Kira has plans," says a different familiar voice that surprises her and makes her smile at once. Scott, however, is not smiling. He's glaring a little bit. Julian's smile disappears and the two have some sort of silent conversation she can't understand at all.

"I see," says Julian eventually. His eyes don't leave Scott's though. "That's too bad."

"Sorry," says Scott not sounding very sorry at all. Julian breaks the weird hostile staring contest and walks away without another word. Kira watches him go before turning to Scott with raised eyebrows.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Scott asks trying to sound innocent. He fails. His smugness comes through clearly.

"You enjoyed that," accuses Kira. She tries to frown at him, but can't even really pretend it didn't make her happy.

"Not at all," says Scott now smiling hugely. Kira just shakes her head at him.

"Why do I feel like I'm a tree and you just marked your territory?" she mutters under her breath and Scott laughs a little.

"So…" he trails off smirking. "Got any plans for after school?"

* * *

"So you haven't heard anything from Derek lately?" Stiles asks grabbing another piece of pizza and stuffing half of it in his mouth. They're at Scott's house and it feels like the old days.

"No. He takes this stuff harder than he lets on. I figured he deserved some time to himself," Scott answers looking at him with a little disgust. _He's _the werewolf yet Stiles always ends up eating twice as much as he does.

Well, he guesses it's better than the sickly and skinny Stiles of the past month and a half.

"Derek better finish his feelings time before our next supernatural disaster hits," says Stiles. "The team isn't complete without our broody Hale."

"I think the team changes. People come and go and that's okay," says Scott because he's finally starting to believe it. Regression to the mean runs through the back of his mind.

"Except us," says Stiles. "Me and you, buddy. That's never gonna change."

"Never," agrees Scott. He slides over his half eaten slice to his best friend who eats it in seconds.

* * *

Derek knew it was his fault.

He should have known better than to believe Kate Argent was actually dead. He should have found the body and made sure she was really gone. Now he was paying for his mistake.

He hears the hum of electricity in the background and mentally prepares himself for the next onslaught of torture.

"Don't worry, Derek. This is only going to burn your skin and possibly damage some internal organs," says Kate with a smirk before jabbing him with the rod again.

Scott McCall was sure taking his sweet time finding him.

* * *

**AN:** So ends Ungodly Hour.

I felt like season 3b had a real downer ending and I just wanted to bring back some hope into our friends' lives. They're not healed but are finally on their way. This had a lot more Scott/Lydia friendship than I started with. Also I thought it was better for Scott/Kira and Stiles/Lydia to get back to being friends over any pairings. Although my feelings are pretty cleared implied. Not that I mind Stiles/Malia. It's just...Stydia=OTP. But I'm totally loving the Lydia/Kira/Malia friendship I hear is going to happen.

That trailer for season 4 though...*screams in excitement and terror*

Read and review, would you?


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